Good riddance.

Eff you, 2016. And yes, that’s how I really feel.

This year has been the best and worst year of my life, and I’m not sure which feeling trumps the other. All I know is that I’m ready for this year to be over. Not to leave this year behind, but to open yet another chapter of our lives, and continue forward.

We spent New Years Eve last year in Paris, and spent New Years Day in Disneyland Paris. I don’t think another New Years Eve will ever compare to that! When we got back from Paris, we had less than a week to get Brandon all packed to move to Utah. We moved him down there, found me a job, and put an offer on our second house. He started his new job on January 11th. At the end of the month, Brandon and his family, along with my family, helped us pack our whole house into a trailer, and we said goodbye to our life in Boise.

I started my new job on February 1st, and we closed on our house ten days later. Valentine’s day was spent unpacking boxes, with just a small break for dinner at Olive Garden. The next day, Brandon left for a ten day training in California.

I turned 25 at the beginning of March, and my family came down to celebrate, at which point we realized how grateful we were for all the space in our new house. The day after they went home, we found out I was pregnant. I was so glad I hadn’t known before, because I’m awful with secrets. Two weeks later, we flew to Disneyland to meet my family over spring break, and we broke the news to them before we started our walk down Main Street. That weekend was Easter, and we told Brandon’s family that Sunday afternoon.

April was pretty uneventful. I saw Justin Bieber in concert with Caroline and her sister, and muddled through nausea until we could finally tell the world we were pregnant. We also went to St. George to spend a weekend with Austin and Caroline before they moved.

Brandon turned 28 at the beginning of May! I went to Seattle with Alycia, and Brandon and I went to Disneyland (again) and Universal Studios with Alyssa and Jake. While we were in Disneyland, we announced that we were going to be blessed with a little baby boy.

June was welcomed with open arms. My baby bro graduated from high school, and Brandon and I had a whole week of playing before he left for another ten days of training. The morning before he left, the day after Father’s Day, he got to feel the baby kick for the first time. He made it back just in time for our vacation, which leads us into July.

We spent the Fourth of July with his family in Washington DC. It was fun to be in the most patriotic (and hottest) place in the country. We spent our nights feeling the little babe wiggle and kick. After DC, we flew to New York and had a week there by ourselves. We had the best time sightseeing and eating all the food.

August had Brandon in New Orleans for a week doing some more training (although it sounds more like playing to me). We celebrated our 5th anniversary, and went to Idaho Falls to watch my cousin get married.

September started in the best way. We got to watch my brother marry his cute wife in Lake Tahoe, and it was one of my favorite days. I love them both so much, but I love them together even more. We had some baby showers, got the nursery all ready, and spent a whole Saturday washing all the baby clothes and blankets.

October was spent anticipating the arrival of our little man. We took maternity pictures, and spent so much time in the nursery counting down the days. Then on October 26th my whole world shattered, and honestly nothing else from then on matters. I’ve been unemployed for the last nine weeks, we spent the holidays with family, and we’re still just trying to recover. Our weekends are spent confused, because we don’t have Carter at home to take care of.

The internet crashed the first time I was writing this and I got so mad that I had to write it twice. It’s hard to think about the fact that this whole year revolved around Carter, and now there’s nothing. A whole lot of buildup only to be let down so hard by the universe. Not even let down, just dropped. So honestly, 2016 can go to hell, because I’ve never been so hurt by someone or something in my entire life.

Update: I wrote this yesterday, and yesterday was a pretty hard day. And it really is hard to think about all the build up to bring Carter home, and then having him taken from us. 2016 really was the best and worst year of my life. But I know there is more to come in 2017, and I hope that the ending will be better than this year's.