Disney World 2017

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I want to start out by saying that I've never been so legitimately sad to come back from a vacation. Yeah, it's always a bummer to come home, but I don't know that I've ever actually been sad to see it end. Not as sad as I was when we got home on Tuesday, anyway. This trip was so necessary, and so much fun and relaxing at the same time! We've had to make so many big decisions in the past nine months, so it was really nice that the only things we had to decide on this trip were what rides to ride next and where to eat. And also which snacks to get. (The answer was all of them). We stayed at Disney's All-Star Movies Resort. This was our first time staying on the Disney property as a married couple (we stayed at Saratoga Springs with my parents before we got married) and it was so nice! In the past, we've fumbled with airport shuttles, and shuttles to and from the park, but Disney just does everything right. They have a shuttle that picks you up and drops you off at the airport, and their park shuttles run about every 20 minutes or so. Our resort is one of the value resorts, and I would say that when comparing it's prices to a non-Disney hotel, it's definitely worth it to pay a little more for the convenience of the shuttles!

We went to Epcot on our first day (which seems to be an accidental tradition for us) and had a blast. We were able to do all the big rides, all the chill rides, and eat our way around World Showcase. We had enchiladas in Mexico, gelato in Italy, a soft pretzel in Germany (that was for you, Jake and Alyssa!), and an eclair in France! Eating all the treats is obviously our favorite part of Epcot, but it was a great first day!

The next day we went to Universal Studios, and basically hung out in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade all day long. We ate an early lunch at the three broomsticks, watched a little show, and drank our weight in Butterbeer. The Hogwarts Express goes between the two parks, so we rode it three times both ways haha. We were a little all over the place! We also rode the new Jimmy Fallon ride, and E.T., but those were the only other things we did. Universal is mostly 3D simulator rides, and I don't do so well with those, so we didn't do quite as many things as we probably could have. We did watch the Animal Actors show, and good news everyone, the real Marley isn't dead! I got to pet another pup that was in the show and for a moment we locked eyes. It was magical. 

Day three was spent at Animal Kingdom! They were open from 8 am to 1 am, so we had already planned for a nap in the middle of the day. It worked out really well, because we were able to get most of the rides done before noon (when it got blisteringly hot). We even got to ride Expedition Everest twice that morning! That night, we watched the new Rivers of Light show, which I very highly recommend! Animal Kingdom used to close before dark, but this show alone makes the extra hours worth it! We also were able to ride both new rides in the new Pandora section. We waited an hour for the river ride, and while it was cool, I don't know that I would wait that long again. The banshee ride however...wowza. We waited two hours for that ride (from ten to midnight, I was dying) and it was so worth it for the first time!! I can't even explain how cool it was, you'll just have to plan a trip and see for yourself!

Hollywood Studios is my second favorite park, so I was really looking forward to our fourth day of vacation! We got there as soon as the park opened, rode Rockin' Roller Coaster, then went straight to Tower of Terror! I always forget how much I love Tower of Terror, it's so good! After breakfast, we went to Star Tours, then tried to walk to the Backlot Tour, only to be disappointed. Everything in that area, the Backlot Tour, Lights Motors Action, and the little city section of the park are all closed!! That's where they are putting the new Star Wars area, but I was so sad!!! And then we discovered that they changed Pizza Planet to Pizzerizzo, and honestly we should have just called it a day then. We were seriously so sad. Brandon had even purchased a Pizza Planet hat, and we had the perfect picture all planned out, only to be disappointed. The rest of the day was fine, despite those few things. We had lunch at the Sci-Fi Diner, had two fastpasses for Toy Story Mania, watched Fantasmic, and got to see most of the Star Wars fireworks. All in all, a good day!!

Magic Kingdom is both mine and Brandon's favorite park, and we saved it for last. Like the other days, we got there as soon as the park opened, and surprisingly it was not very crowded. We didn't get to ride Pirates in Disneyland, so that was our first stop on this trip. We rode Pirates, Peter Pan, and Small World all within the first hour of the park opening, and did the Jungle Cruise shortly after. That park is seriously such a classic! I could go on forever telling you about every ride we did, but I won't. We rode rides and had some snacks, then had lunch at Be Our Guest (also highly recommend, for any meal, just make sure you go inside!). We felt like we had done most of the rides, so we went back to the hotel for a nap, and I just kept Brandon awake the whole time. I was exhausted, but my excitement for being at the park was stronger than my fatigue! We went back, had a snack at Gaston's Tavern, rode more rides, had hot dogs at Casey's Corner, then wandered around to find a spot to watch the special 4th of July fireworks (even though it was the 3rd). While we were walking, a girl snagged Brandon and told him she had some space, and was just looking for normal people to share it with, so we ended up with seats in the very front row closest to the castle!! The light show was great, and the fireworks were so good! It was really hard to leave at the end of the night, and I'm already wanting to plan another trip! 

Even though we've been so many times, I feel like we learned a few new things on this trip. I'll post those a little later, since this one was so long. If anyone wants to book a trip to Disney, we're in!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

To settle the confusion...

in

If you've been following the blog and are a little confused about anything, I'm here to clear it up for you. We found out we were pregnant with Little Bean on March 8th. That day, I started writing to her, and tried to write to her a couple times a week. We found out we had lost her on May 15th. I am not currently pregnant. The vacation that was referred to in yesterday's post was our trip to Amsterdam back in April.

I had planned to share all these bumpdates after we announced our pregnancy, and felt no reason not to share them after we lost her. I know a couple people have been confused, but we are not currently pregnant. Trust me, when we are, you will definitely know. This is just a short little post, but I wanted to catch everyone up. So to recap: the bumpdates and posts that keep coming are only about little bean and our pregnancy that ended May 15th. There are only five more weeks of journals to little bean that I will be publishing, so after that, maybe it won't be so confusing.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with us, and thank you for all the kind words you guys send!

Hi Little Bean: April 19 & 21, 2017

in

April 19, 2017

I wasn’t very good about writing to you while we were on vacation last week, and I’m so sorry about that! We had the best time on vacation, and I love knowing that you were right there with us! So you have officially been to three other countries, and I think that’s pretty dang cool.

Yesterday was a hard day. Monday night, I had a dream that I miscarried, and I couldn’t shake the thought of it all day. Then I found out that a lady I follow on instagram lost their baby six weeks into the pregnancy, and even though her pregnancy has nothing to do with ours, I turned into a big ball of anxiety. Our doctor isn’t in the office on Tuesdays, so I called the scheduling desk to see if there was any way we could go in for an ultrasound, and she couldn’t do it. I guess he has to order the ultrasound, and since he wasn’t there, he couldn’t. She understood that I was nervous, but she just kept telling me to relax, and that everything was going to be fine. And she might be right, but It’s not okay for people to say that. She has no idea that everything will be fine. Everything was supposed to be fine with Carter, and it wasn’t. She did her best to try and contact a nurse or someone that could order the ultrasound, and I appreciated that, but I didn’t like that she trivialized me being nervous.

One thing I want to talk to the doctor about today is having some sort of backup plan. Like, if something does happen on a day that he’s not in the office, what do I do? Who do I call, who do I see? And on a day they are in the office, if the nurse is too slow at responding, how else can I contact them to be seen? I feel like I’m turning into a crazy person, but I have way more anxiety than I thought I would. And at first, I thought it would go away or get better, but with each week that I know you’re in there, I get a little more attached, and that’s terrifying. I sure do love you, but you better be staying safe and healthy in there!

We will get another quick scan today before our appointment. I’m hoping they can get a better measurement, since you will be quite a bit bigger (and actually look like a baby, sorry). I have just decided to go with the first ultrasound, but I’m curious to see how you measure once they can actually measure you well. But I’m going with my gut and saying we are eleven weeks pregnant today. We love you, little babe. Be safe!

 How far along? : Eleven weeks because I’m in charge of my own destiny..
Baby is the size of: a lime! That’s like a real size!
Total weight gain/loss: I had gained two pounds when I checked on Monday, but it might still be the waffles
Sleep: not sleeping super well since we came back from vacation. I keep waking up too early!
Best moment this week: It will be at the ultrasound today.
Movement: none
Symptoms: nausea, fatigue
Food cravings: nothing super notable this week. English muffins and apple jacks have been my fave..
Food aversions: nothing really.
What I miss: having the naive pregnancy experience.
What I am looking forward to: the ultrasound/appointment this afternoon!.

 

April 21, 2017

Bean, bean bean!! I have so many good things to tell you right now. We had our appointment on Wednesday, and the doctor confirmed that you are indeed due on November 8th! He said the computer messed up and we really are eleven weeks this week. I’m so happy! A week from nowish, we will be a third of the way through this pregnancy, which is so crazy. I know we’ve only known about you for six weeks, but it will still be so nice to get out of the first trimester. He did another quick ultrasound on Wednesday too, and you are looking so good in there! Your heartbeat is strong, your fluids look good, and you actually look like a baby now!

I have to be honest with you, I think I’ve been trying really hard to not get attached to you. I didn’t get a super good look at you during the ultrasound, but I saw your little profile and your legs, and that wall I put up is crumbling so fast. I need you to make it here safely. We love you so much already.

Our doctor wants to do some genetic testing on you, just to make sure that everything looks good. Instead of doing an amniocentesis, now they can just draw my blood, put it in a centrifuge, and pull your dna from it. How cool is that? He said we can also find out your gender from that, and that we could do the blood draw starting at thirteen weeks. Your dad and I decided we would just do the blood draw at our next appointment in four weeks, but that we didn’t want to find out the gender until 17 weeks when we did the ultrasound. Then we went home, and I started thinking that maybe I do want to find out the gender from the test. Yesterday morning I texted a friend, and she said it took them about ten days to get their results back. So if we got the blood draw done at fifteen weeks, we still wouldn’t find out your gender until about 17 weeks. Because we saw you on the ultrasound, I got really impatient, so we decided to move the blood draw up, and find out your gender when we get the results back. We were planning to wait, just so it didn’t drag out the second half of the pregnancy, but I’m feeling ready to share you with the world, I just don’t want to do it without your gender. Also I’m getting sick of calling you “the baby” because I refuse to use the word it. I want to call you he or she!! Just a few more weeks.

This week has been super weird as far as sleep and eating go. I only sleep well between like, 6 pm and 2 am, which makes for really long days at work. And nothing sounds good to eat. I was starving Monday and Tuesday of this week, but the past couple days, I haven’t really wanted to eat anything. I need to do better about eating healthier when I do eat, but it’s so hard when literally nothing sounds good. The only thing that sounds remotely good this week is Zupas, but even then I only want a sandwich. No vegetables for me, please! Or fruit. Fruit is the worst. I try to tell myself that Costa Vida is healthy because of the lettuce, but even Costa doesn’t sound great right now. I promise I’m trying, for you!! Maybe I’ll go get a smoothie and some broccoli for lunch today. Because that sounds like fun...ha.

We love you little bean. Keep growing in there, I can’t wait until I can’t button up my pants anymore! Love you so much!

Disney World Summer Packing List

in

 

I know what you're thinking. Didn't they just go in January? Don't those people go to Disney enough? To answer your questions: yes, and no. Definitely no to the second one. We go a lot, but did you see the article about the guy who has gone every day for like the last 2,000 days? That would be the life. I don't consider myself an expert by any means, but Brandon and I have done Disney enough times that we have the packing part down. We haven't done Disney in the summer for a few years now, and I was really excited to be able to pack summer clothes! It's supposed to be 86-88 degrees the whole time we are there, so it will be perfect. There are so many different ways to do Disney, and packing will ultimately come down to your preferences. We prefer to kind of go all out, as you can see in the pictures below, but it doesn't have to be that way! Here is a rough list to get you started.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  • Matching shirts. Okay, not really a requirement, but mostly they are just really fun. We bought two new shirts for this trip, and have a couple other sets. Sadly, I couldn't find links for the I'll Be Your Mickey / I'll Be Your Minnie shirts on Disney's site. If they are posted again, I'll add the links below!
  • Light-weight shirts. Orlando gets hot, especially when you are walking around in the sun all day, so dress appropriately! You don't want to be miserable in the Happiest Place on Earth!
  • Shorts. My personal preference is one for every two days we are there. It's hot, and I don't want to be re-wearing sweaty shorts too much! I usually wear pants on the plane, that way I have a pair just in case I need them, but for the most part, you'll want shorts!
  • Sunscreen!! Especially for your little ones.
  • Comfy shoes. A lot of people prefer to take a good pair of tennis shoes, I prefer to take my vans (honesty they are more worn in than my athletic shoes haha) Whatever works for you!
  • Sandals. Whether they are for the park or pool, take a pair of sandals. My feet get tired of being enclosed all the time, and I'd rather be barefoot anyway, so sandals are a nice break from my sneakers. 
  • Swimsuit! For all those midday breaks you might need.
  • Appropriate head attire. Take a hat if you'd like, or pick up a seat of ears when you get to the park!
  • Backpack or cinchy bag. We always carry water with us, and occasionally bring jackets, just in case. There are lockers for rent if you don't want to carry everything.
  • Ponchos (or an umbrella). We prefer ponchos, just because they are a little bit easier to navigate the crowds with. We bought Mickey ponchos in the park a few years ago, but you can always pick up a pack for cheap at your local grocery store!
  • A water bottle. We generally buy a cold Dasani at the start of every day, and refill it as we go, but you can always bring your own bottle to save on that cost. With the heat and how much walking you'll do, be sure to stay hydrated!
  • Camera (the one on your phone will work!) You'll want to capture all the memories and magic, so be prepared with a camera!

What are some of your Disney must-haves? You can shop our goodies below. Happy packing!

 

Just a little behind the scenes of what it's like trying to take pictures in our house. Laying on clothes is his favorite thing.

 
 
 

Hi Little Bean: April 7 & 14, 2017

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Last week without a bump picture, I swear.

April 7, 2017

Hi babe! We are sitting in the airport waiting for our delayed flight to leave. I just wanted to tell you I love you, and that you better stay safe while we're gone. I love you very very much!
 

April 14, 2017

Hi bean! We are on our way from Luxembourg to Amsterdam, and have had the best time here! I wish you and Carter were actually just here with us to play in the tulip fields and see the castles, but I guess this is the best we can do!

Sleep has been hard to come by this week, so I'm sorry if you're worn out in there too. But you're continuing to make me feel sick sometimes, so I think you're doing pretty well in there. The nurse emailed me back finally and said we don't have to change my due date, but I still don't know if that means we are nine or ten weeks. I guess we'll find out more on Tuesday.

We love you, little bean. I can't wait to see you on Wednesday and get a definite idea of how far along we are. Love you so much!

 I’m adding a little to this now to talk about symptoms I had on vacation. I didn’t sleep very well, but I think part of it was because the time difference and the uncomfortable bed, but I woke up quite a few times feeling pretty sick. Which made sense, because of the time difference, but it also made me happy, because that meant you were still healthy and growing! I got the most sick I have ever been while we were on the train to Sloten. I actually cleaned out my purse and made dad hold my things just in case I needed to throw up in my purse haha. And then there were a couple times on the trains to Luxembourg and back to Amsterdam that I felt kind of sick, but nothing like that time in Sloten. I also got pretty nauseous on the flight home. We had some pretty bad turbulence at the beginning that made me sick, and it only went away temporarily when I drank ginger ale (for the first time!). Even sprite made me sick again. So needless to say, I was happy to be back on solid ground.

 How far along? : Ten weeks. I say ten weeks.
Baby is the size of: a strawberry!
Total weight gain/loss: probably a few pounds, but I think that's mostly the waffles
Sleep: give me all the sleep
Best moment this week: all of vacation, but probably getting super sick on the train, I know you're healthy
Movement: none
Symptoms: nausea, food cravings
Food cravings: Sweets, creamy Italian noodles, but not Alfredo.
Food aversions: anything not chocolate, bread, or noodles
What I miss: Carter, and not feeling my stomach bulging out everywhere.
What I am looking forward to: Next ultrasound so we can find out exactly how far along we are.

Thinking about Carter & a visit from my parents.

in

This weekend was definitely a good one. My parents got to our house around six on Friday, and after catching up for a bit, we went to Godfather's for dinner. My dad used to work at Godfather's in Idaho Falls when he was younger, and has always loved their pizza, so I'm pretty sure we'll end up there whenever they are in town. And it's so good! After dinner, we wandered around The Container Store to make a little room in our stomach for dessert. The Container Store though...seriously I could buy almost everything in that place. It makes my organization senses tingle and I love it. We went to The Baked Bear for dessert, and Brandon let me choose our combination which meant dark chocolate ice cream and sprinkles!! It was a very good day.

Saturday morning we woke up and drove around to look at cars and houses. We weren't really shopping, but it's just fun to look. We wandered through a few model homes and dreamed of what life could be like. That afternoon, the guys went to the shooting range, and mom and I went to get pedicures. One of the ladies at the salon commented on how tall we are, then asked if I'm going to grow much more. I said I hope not, and then she asked if I was 15 or 16. What?! I wasn't offended, but honestly. I've had two babies, when am I going to start looking my age??? After pedicures/shooting, we went to see The Book of Henry. It was not at all what I was expecting, but it was so good!!! I definitely recommend it.

After a little breakfast on Sunday, we all drove up to Logan. My parents don't get to see the kids very often since Logan is so far from Boise, and kind of out of the way to/from Salt Lake, but I love that they never hesitate to say yes when I ask if they want to go. Brandon and I would have gone up later anyway, but it was nice to be there with my parents. We got to the cemetery and cleaned off the headstone, pulled the weeds around it, and left the babes a little 4th of July decoration. And when I say little, I mean big. Brandon's goal was to get the biggest American flag pinwheel he could find, and I think he did a pretty good job! We said goodbye to my parents at the cemetery, spent a little more time with the babies, then came home and had a relaxing night! We ate ice cream, and ended the weekend with a sunset walk at the lake in Daybreak.

I thought about Carter a lot this weekend, more than usual. On our way to Logan, I was thinking about the day of his service. I started to think that that day seemed like a blur, but that is actually the opposite of true. I remember that day so vividly, with the exception of getting to the cemetery, I don't really remember that. But I do remember how all the family that could be there was, and I remember the abundance of love I felt filling the cemetery that day. I remember going to the luncheon after and being able to share pictures and show off our sweet boy. And I remember going to dinner that night with everyone and wondering how on earth I could laugh when I felt so empty. When the table was minus one tiny person.

I also thought about our delivery, which is something I don't actually let myself think about that often. I am okay to think about being in the hospital, and the process of labor and prepping for delivery and everything after he was born, but it hurts my heart to think about actually delivering my boy. It was such an easy delivery, just a few pushes and there he was. They laid him on my chest, Brandon got to cut the cord, and just like that, we were parents. I was so afraid to touch him, because he was wet and delicate and beautiful. I didn't want to hurt him by cleaning him off, so I let the nurse rub some of the fluid off him while I just kind of laid there and stared at him. It made me feel like a terrible mom. I think about that a lot. There are so many things I regret not doing, and it's really hard not to be mad at myself. I wish I would have bathed him, dressed him, held him for so much longer. But his skin was so fragile...I don't know. I realize this last section doesn't really flow with everything else, but this was all on my mind this weekend. I don't know. I miss my babies.

Working out post-baby(ies).

in

After we lost Carter, I had to wait a little while before I started working out again. Between the physical pain, thyroid problems, and the emotional pain, I just was in no shape to start working out right away. Toward the end of December, we got gym memberships, and it helped me in so many ways. It gave me a place to work out my anger, and it allowed me to feel accomplished at just one thing in my life, since I wasn't working, and I wasn't being a mother in the traditional sense. And even once I started working, I still pushed myself and Brandon to go, because I could feel that it was helping me emotionally too.

When we found out I was pregnant, I  made a really good effort to go to the gym for the first few weeks. I'd walk on the treadmill (hats off to pregnant ladies who run, that crap's hard) and do a few of the machines with just light weight. Surprisingly, I found that I really missed working out hard. It felt pretty pointless to lift ten to fifteen pounds, even though I wasn't lifting much more than that before. But still, we went. It helped that I wasn't super tired, so napping after work didn't become the priority. And then we went to Amsterdam. I don't know if it was the eight miles a day we walked, or the fact that I was more pregnant, but we came back and I didn't want to do anything. In the month after we got back from Amsterdam, we went to the gym once. That's a ten dollar workout! The day after I went to the ER, I stopped at the gym on my way home from a doctor's appointment, and was going to cancel our memberships, but they're being tricky when they tell you that you have to go in to cancel. It makes you not want to cancel! I called Brandon, and he said we should give it one more month and see how we do, so that's what we did.

Having a gym membership after losing little bean has been so nice. I couldn't work out for the first two weeks after, then just started off slow, but again, it gives me a place to work off any anxiety or sadness or anger I have. It also gives me time to think and not have to talk to anyone (which really isn't that different from the rest of my day but oh well), so I just zone out and stay in my own little world for an hour. Unless Fixer Upper is on the tv, then I focus on that haha. We've been going for a few weeks now, and go often enough that I actually felt like we needed to buy ourselves some new workout clothes. I found these little green pants at Target, and I'm in love with them. They are comfy, breathable, and so cute! Seriously, I bought them two weeks ago and waited until a day that I felt pretty and knew we would be at the gym for more than thirty minutes to wear them. So pardon the photo shoot, but I was really feeling myself that night. 

Realistically, I only work out so I can eat more ice cream, but I've been pretty serious about working out consistently since we lost our little bean. Up until a week and a half ago, I felt like I still looked pregnant, and even though that's normal for three weeks post pregnancy, it was just another solid reminder that there wasn't actually a baby in there. I've found a few good at-home workouts that I feel have helped tighten up my belly, I'll post them sometime. If any of you momma's have workouts you swear by, let me know!!

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Hi Little Bean : April 3 & 5, 2017

No belly picture again. We really slacked those two weeks.

April 3, 2017

Hi little bean!  This past week has been something else, I’ll tell you what. Last week on Wednesday, we had our third ultrasound! I was really looking forward to seeing you, but I was also nervous about what was going to happen. I’ve probably said it before, but at our first ultrasound, you measured at six weeks, then at our second ultrasound, you measured at six weeks again. I didn’t like that very much, because no growth is bad. No growth is very very bad, and I don’t want to lose you. But at the ultrasound last week, you measured seven weeks and one day! Which is great; it means you grew in that week, which means you are healthy! The tech gave us a due date of November 14th, and I have to be honest, we left the appointment and I cried. I cried because if you are actually due on November 14th, that means when we get induced at 37 weeks, you would be born just a few days before Carter’s birthday, and I don’t really know that I can have you two that close together. And not only that, but for some reason, the tech telling me we were only seven weeks just didn’t feel right. It still doesn’t actually, I don’t think she measured you well enough. I got on to look at my medical records this morning and saw that a doctor had looked at the ultrasounds, and he put you at eight weeks, which makes me feel much, much better. I’ve done the math a couple times, and counted back from when I had some implantation spotting, and there is no way you could have been conceived at a point in time that would put us at only almost eight weeks pregnant. It’s just not possible. Plus, I don’t know that you would have had a little heartbeat at our first ultrasound if we were only five weeks then. We’ll have another ultrasound on the 19th, and I think that we’ll be able to see you more clearly, and get a better due date. My biggest thing (besides you being born more than just two days apart from Carter) is that we get an accurate due date, so that you are given enough time to cook in there. I’d hate to be induced at 37 weeks and have you actually only be 36 weeks along, you need enough time to be developed!

That appointment gave me a lot of anxiety, which ended up working its way up to my brain and just kind of poured outward. I was really bummed all night, super sad, and kind of depressed. I have been super moody and mean lately, even towards your dad, which makes me feel awful, but that night he was so sweet to me. I told him how I feel like people are getting impatient with me, and forgetting that I’m still grieving, and he just sat with me and reassured me, and also rubbed my back when I almost threw up haha. You are the luckiest baby in the world to have him for a dad. I think you’re going to have him wrapped around your tiny, baby finger, but you are so lucky. He’s going to love you more than anyone has ever loved another person in the whole entire world. It will probably be another dad and sophie situation...mom does all the work, but you all just always end up loving dad the most. It’s worth it though, he really is the best.

We were able to go see Carter twice in the past week. I took Thursday off work, because after Wednesday, I just didn’t really even want to try. So we drove up to Logan that afternoon, saw your brother for a bit, and then came home. It was a super quick trip, but it was necessary. Then we went up again yesterday and saw him before going to a big family dinner. It breaks my heart to think about you two playing together, and then remembering that that’s not what it will be like. Our home, though fuller than it has been, will still be a little emptier than it should be, even after we bring you home. But I know you two spent a lot of time together before you came down here to be with us. And little bean, if you are who I think you are, then I know you have a special relationship with Carter, a relationship that transcends any earthly relationship. And I think that’s pretty dang cool.

This pregnancy has been different than my pregnancy with Carter, for a few different reasons. Physically, I am cramping more and feel more bloated, but I know that is just because my body already knows what it is doing. Emotionally, I have been an absolute wreck. I’m sad, but mostly I’m just cranky. Super moody, I guess you could say. And I don’t know if that’s more the grief or the hormones, or just an awful combination of the two, but it’s different compared to how apologetic I was last year when I was pregnant. I don’t feel quite as tired as I did last year, which is interesting to me. I’m tired, but I remember coming home from work every day and just wanting to pass out. I’m only almost nine weeks, so it could get worse, but for now, I’m pretty happy about how much energy I still have! You’re doing pretty well on the food cravings too, so keep that up. I love that I still love sweets. Anything cinnamon and chocolate right now is wonderful. And greasy pizza. I love all the greasy pizza. None of that sour fruit crap like last time!

I said a prayer today asking for a little bit of peace and comfort in knowing that everything will be okay with you. And not even that everything will be okay, but just comfort in knowing that whatever happens happens, and there’s not much I can do about it. I will still be nervous every single time I go to the bathroom and with every little cramp I feel, but I still want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy. You are important, and your dad and I deserve to be excited about you. But nevertheless, you be safe little bean. We leave on Friday for Amsterdam, and if you can promise me to do your best to stay healthy, I promise to feed you all the waffles and chocolate I can! Love you, little bean!

April 5, 2017

Hi little baby! I just tore another link off the paper chain I have at work, so according to it (and the emails I’m getting) we are nine weeks along today! It’s possible that we’re only eight weeks, but until our next ultrasound, I’m going to just hover somewhere in the middle.

Not a lot of exciting things are happening today. Daddy went out of town on Monday for a day, and got back late last night, and we’re so happy he’s home! Now I can finally sleep well again so you can keep growing! I just went and got my blood drawn at lunch, so tomorrow we’ll find out how my thyroid is looking. I’m curious to see where my levels are at now. Hopefully they are right where we want them to be.

Dad woke up this morning feeling sick (although I guess he was feeling sick yesterday too and just didn’t tell me) so I stopped on my way back from the hospital to grab an orange juice. And on my way out grabbed one, okay fine, two, candy bars. I like that you make me crave sweets! It’s way better than the healthy fruit crap your brother wanted me to drink.

I’m going to try and remember to have dad take a picture today, since we forgot to take one last week. I know I don’t have much of a tummy yet, but I have a feeling I’ll be leaving my pants a little looser before we know it!

In just two days we’ll be taking you on your first plane ride, and first vacation! You be safe in there while we’re overseas. I’ll try and write to you while we’re gone. Love you bean!

How far along? : Nine weeks, maybe?
Baby is the size of: a cherry!
Total weight gain/loss: I looked sometime last week and hadn’t gained much, but I feel way heavier.
Sleep: I’m so tired all the time.
Best moment this week: Learning that once you see the heartbeat, chances of miscarriage are only about three percent
Movement: none
Symptoms: Bloated, tired, nausea. I just want to throw everything up all the time.
Food cravings: Chocolate, cinnamon, anything sweet.
Food aversions: NO FRUIT. TOO TART.
What I miss: Carter, gymming, and not being so tired.
What I am looking forward to: Our trip to Amsterdam, then coming back and being almost ten or eleven weeks pregnant!.

Father's Day weekend.

in

This past weekend was one of like three weekends this summer where we didn't have any major plans, and it was so nice! Friday night, we went on a bike ride, then got sno cones after. We got bikes last summer and weren't able to ride them very much since I was pregnant (and we were gone most of the summer anyway), so it has been nice to use them a bit more this year. Saturday morning we slept in, then drove up to Logan to put everything back on Carter's headstone. We hung out with the babies for a bit, then went to Summerfest and wandered around all the booths after getting some lunch. 

Yesterday we (okay, mostly me) slept in again; I was having some intense allergies that I'm assuming were from the bike ride Friday night, and I could not bring myself to get out of bed. Thankfully, Brandon was super patient, and laid with me until I was finally ready to get up. We went to Cabela's, then to Walmart, then went back home to just hang out, and ended up taking a two hour nap on the couch. It was glorious.

Overall, it was a very chill Father's Day. I felt bad not doing anything extravagant, but just like Mother's Day, it was not at all how we anticipated spending our first Father's day after the birth of our baby. Babies. It felt right to acknowledge the day, but thinking about celebrating it kind of hurt. I gave Brandon a little shoutout yesterday, but I have to put in a big plug for him here:

I got extremely lucky that Brandon chose me to be his wife, but our kids are even luckier that he is their dad. He does everything he can to keep their memories alive every single day, whether that is just thinking about them, talking about them, or buying something that will make us think about them every time we look at it. He puts so much effort into caring for them the best he can, even if that just means cleaning off the headstone and rearranging all of Carter's cars. He always makes sure the solar lights are still working, and in the winter, he carefully scraped off the snow and ice so that Carter's name was showing. He does whatever he can to make it known that we do have children. After we found out we were pregnant again, we got asked so many times if little bean was our first. It was the scariest question to be asked, but every single time he would respond proudly that it was our second. 

I've watched Brandon be a cat-dad for almost six years now, and I knew for a long time before we got pregnant that he would be an amazing dad. He denies that he loves the cats, but he totally does. You can see it when he talks to them, when he cuddles with them, and when he plays with them. It almost hurts to watch him interact with the cats now, because I know what it would be like to watch him with our babies. I can't wait for the day that I get to watch him interact with a child at home. 

Brandon is the strongest, kindest, sweetest, and caring man I've ever known, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. He's given me so many things in our almost six years of marriage, but our children easily come in at the top of the list. He is a father in the most difficult, non-traditional way, and to me that means he is the best dad of all.  Happy Father's Day B-rand. Thank you for loving our babies, fur-babies, and me. We love you!