Five months and time still moves on.

Sorry, I know my last few posts have been kind of down. I promise we're doing fine, March is just a rough month as far as anniversaries go.

I wrote a post after we got married about how, even though a significant event had happened for us, life continued forward every day like nothing had changed. I have felt the same way every single day since we lost Carter, but there are certain days that I feel like the universe should be more aware of our situation, and it's just not. For example, why do Thursdays still exist? They give me something to count the weeks on, but honestly, there is a part of me that looks forward to the day when so many weeks have passed that I forget what the number is, and more specifically, when I don't feel bad for not knowing what the number is.

This morning I said to Brandon, "don't you think it's unfair that the 27th still exists?" and I was happy that I'm not the only one who feels that way. Of course we always want to remember him, but each month on the 27th, we get dressed in our respective, Carter-honoring clothes, and it feels like a punch to the gut. Part of me wishes we could just skip the 26th and 27th of every month. I remember him every single day, but those two days are especially hard for me.

I know I'm not the only one feeling this, and it's not just moms who have lost their babies. To angel moms, parents, siblings, children, friends: I'm so sorry you have loss dates to mark your weeks, months, and years by. I'm just so, so sorry.

That's all I have for today. My heart has been heavy for the past little bit. I know I've said it before, but I just can't wait to get through this anniversary period of major milestones.