I'm changing this one more to "a day to beam" because I think we deserve that, even in the midst of our grief. There have been days since losing Carter that have been ridiculously good. The day we found out we were pregnant with little bean, for example. Sometimes I have a good day and feel so incredibly guilty. Other times, on those good days, my heart is full and I...
Read MoreLosing our son was the single worst experience of my entire life. Losing our daughter was a little easier. Miscarrying our third seemed almost routine. They have all been hard, but with each loss, I’ve also lost more and more of my hope and optimism. My motto of “keep moving forward” is getting harder and harder to follow. It gets harder every day to believe that I may...
Read MoreOh how I could write a million page essay on why life is short. I have always been a big believer in treating oneself. Whether that is socially, mentally, physically, monetarily, food-wise, or other, I strongly believe in doing the things you want to. You want to eat the cake? Eat the dang cake. You want to move to Paris, just because? Do it? You don't like the negative impact someone is...
Read MorePutting together the nursery was so fun. We gave ourselves an unlimited budget, and made it a comfortable space where we'd want to spend time. As we were preparing for Carter, we did spend a lot of time in the nursery. We'd go in there to just hang out, or go in there to get things done, and it became very natural to spend much of our downtime in that space.
Read MoreI kept writing and rewriting this post, and decided that I didn't want to share what I had planned for it. So instead of a post, here's a nice picture of the ocean instead. May it wash away your worries today.
Read MoreDwelling on this doesn't change anything, I know that. It doesn't make it better. I'm just having a hard day. With Carter's birthday coming up, and the date we had anticipated having little bean...it's just a lot to handle, especially on a Monday with little sleep.
Isn't it strange how much you can miss someone you barely even knew?
Read MoreWe have spent this weekend having some major bonding time with my family. Throughout this past year, I would say that we have seen either of our families at least twice a month. We have seen my family at least every six weeks, and Brandon's at least every three. It has been really nice, but there is something to be said about having down time at home with just us and the...
Read MoreLike all the other prompts this month, there are a lot of things I could write about for today. The first time we found out we were pregnant, our first ultrasound, our first time meeting Carter, the first trip to the cemetery, the first time seeing his headstone. We have had a lot of "firsts" in the last year. There are a lot of "firsts" you are supposed to experience after you have...
Read MoreLast year, after we lost Carter, Brandon and I would go for drives a lot of the time. Sometimes it was in the afternoon, but a lot of times, it was at night. After a movie, before dinner, late at night when we should have been in bed....for some reason the drives just seemed to help. I remember we would just drive around, and if I asked strongly enough, I could feel Carter's
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